This student found writing very challenging, but loved mathematics.  Despite the student's concerns, both the draft and final product are solid. 

ESSAY 3: BEFORE

I started skiing at 2 years old.  At least, that’s what my parents claim.  I still can’t imagine any two year old skiing.  My parents love skiing and we go about 4 times a year.  We always go to Bretton Woods in New Hampshire, because my parents met there.

At 11 years old, I decided I wanted to follow my dad into the glades.  Glades skiing is tough.  There are a lot of trees and rocks and other obstacles.  My mom wasn’t not so keen but my dad thought that perhaps it was okay.  My goal was always to beat him through the glades.  My dad grew up in Colorado, and so he is a great skier. 

Glades skiing requires you to think a couple of steps ahead.  You have to plan your turns and “line”  you path well in advance.  It’s the fun kind of skiing that XYZ does on youtube.  It is also demanding on your knees.

I decided to start on Glades West an easier glades trail.  My dad went with me a few times to give me so pointers.  But I just kept going on glades west again and again.  My friend Dan was a good skier so I chatted with him too.  He was skiing at Waterville and he agreed to come ski with me for  day.  He showed me a lot.  And helped me get a lot better.

Then I moved onto the harder glades.  And I started to get better with those too.  Pretty soon I was decent.  But my dad had a lot of advantages.  He skied many more years.  I knew if I wanted to beat him through the glades I would have to be strategic.  Better to ask to go towards the end of one of our ski trips when he was a little more beat out and tired, and better yet to ask him at the end of the day, when his knees would be soar.

That’s what I did.  On Sunday, at 3pm I challenged him to ski the glades with me.  My dad can’t turn down a challenge and so  he agreed.  We choose Roosebook, one of the more challenging trails.  It was great because there had been a big dump the night before and there was plenty of snow on the glades which makes it softer and easier.  My dad (who didn’t realize I had been practicing) offered me a head start.  I said no way.  I wanted to beat him straight out.  And so we began.  I was hitting everything.  (I had already skied this trail several times and had picked out my line earlier in the day.

ESSAY 3: AFTER

Glades are tough.  You must ski over rocks, streams, and fallen trees, all while avoiding the trees and staying on your feet.  My dad is an expert glades skier, and at age 11, I decided that I wanted him to finally allow me to ski the glades with him.  My dad was opposed to the idea.  He thought I was too young, and it was too dangerous.  Finally, after a lot of discussion I got him to agree, provided I could meet his condition: I needed to beat him through a glades trail.

Glades skiing is a little like a complex polynomial that you need to factor.  You need to think a few steps ahead and plan your attack.  In glades skiing, this means planning your “line” or the path that you will ski.  Just like tackling a math proof, I came up with a plan to improve my glades skiing.

I decided to start on Glades West, an easier glades trail at Bretton Woods.  My dad went with me a few times to give me pointers.  But I just kept going on Glades West again and again.  My friend Dan was a good glades skier so I bartered with him to help me.  Glades skiing for help with Algebra, one of my strengths.  He showed me a lot: how to pick a good line and, most usefully, how to take advantage of my smaller size to take different lines with plenty of snow pack. 

I continued to practice, and moved on to the harder glades.  Pretty soon I was decent.  But my dad had a lot of advantages.  He had skied many more years.  I knew if I wanted to beat him through the glades I would have to be strategic.  Better to ask to go towards the end of one of our ski trips when he was a little more beat out and tired, and better yet to ask him at the end of the day, when his knees would be sore.

That’s exactly what I did.  On a Sunday in February, at 3pm, I challenged him to ski the glades with me.  We chose Roosebook Canyon Glades, one of the more challenging trails.  It was great because there had been a big dump the night before and there was plenty of snow on the glades, which makes it softer and easier.  My dad (who didn’t realize I had been practicing) offered me a head start.  I said no way.  I wanted to beat him straight out.  And so we began.  I was hitting everything.  (I had already skied this trail several times and had picked out my line earlier in the day.)  At the end, I beat him out by about ten feet.  Vindication.